👹 There You Are

"Write about fear."

I found these next questions in a post online to understand a part of myself that I do not even like and know, fear. I did my best to answer them; however, I prefer not to talk to one of these topics. The responses are as real as possible. To fully express my thoughts, I will not be formal or friendly.

    Before jumping into the questions, you need to know more about the past behind my back. The matter is that several friends and close family members have died throughout the last few years, a bunch of them killed for the Narco, cancer, and other diseases. Changing my way of being to the coldest I have known.

    In 2015, I had an intense conversation with Arturo, my own declared alter ego, my second name, and I identified some annoyances with my parents' viewpoints. I am not, and I was not afraid of the university or any work, not afraid of not having a car or saving money for my future house. Why? Because the less I thought like them—old-school educated and remarkably-conservative mind—the better off I would live. Complementing my already transformed personality, and I have done it quite well until today.

    Now, that said, here we have the questions.

Do you talk openly about your real fears to someone kind and safe? 

No, never. I have done it before, and the result left me feeling like a useless martyr. (In my family, we have got several of them and are incredibly annoying guys.)

    Moreover, people felt sorry and made me create insecurities I had not before telling them. Consequently, I decided to erase that unnecessary part of me. I have fears, but their power over me is absurd. I conceive them as companions.

How comfortable are you vulnerable with friends and at work?

On a scale from 0 to 10, I would say 1. For instance, with my mother, I sometimes feel "vulnerable," but not as you may think. She does not know my real concerns, and she comprehends and accepts that I will not talk about them. Nonetheless, when my friends are involved, they do not understand what is going on in my mind. 

    This weird way of being has let my personality grew as I never considered possible. Besides, I believe that a couple of worries must remain and travel with us is this journey.

    I mean, what else would make us gain passion and energy that our fears and anxieties? Our well-developed current procrastination makes us dangerous and allows us to live in comfort. I see how my friends take every small strain and giving it immense power over them. That is horrible.  

Can you imagine a world where talking about our fears was the accepted norm? What would that be like for you? 

If "that world" were real nowadays, Instagram would not exist at all. Tinder, TikTok, Snapchat, and those platforms for conceited people would be promptly death.

    It is good to see how communications have evolved; however, the way those programs are programmed shows us perfect lives in an imperfect world.

    We agree that it does not exist, right?

*   *   *

I just decided not to finish this text here. I know those questions can not be solved in only one day or week. I will take my time to back repeatedly and recognize what has changed in my renewed mentality.

    I am striving for change, and changing what we do not like about ourselves will contribute to more significant improvement.

Onward...